Missing: My Brain...

 

I'm so Tired!

Sunday

Like last Sunday, this was a total YouTube-Day. I was still exhausted and determined to relax and get a good night's sleep; the hope was that I would be refreshed and raring to go for the week ahead. Did it happen? No! *Sob*

 

Monday

After a night of terrible sleep, that would precede a week of terrible sleep, Monday started early with a 9.00am appointment with the Vet', who happily told me my bad-tempered bunny is 'perfect'; perfectly healthy and perfectly capable of destroying my house whenever my back is turned. After taking Peter back home, where he hid from me in disgust, I had to rush back out to meet with my new Work-Coach. Not sure what a work-coach does yet as they left me waiting for over an hour only to tell me I had to go back and finish my induction another day! I'm happy to accept help if it's relevant but I don't like being treated like a fool.

 

Tuesday

I made pizza again - yum - and fries (such an unhealthy vegan) but my Mum, Sister and Nephew showed up to invite me to go birthday-cake-shopping. I scrambled around to get ready and Jesse decided to eat my fries! Then he developed an unusual bond with a Tesco trolley that only he could push, until he started running wild and the safety of elderly shoppers was threatened - what followed was the Mother of All Tantrums! (My nephew is 2 - 3 next week - but he's already h-u-u-u-g-e!)



The only words Jesse shrieks during this brief portion of his meltdown are "put me down" and "trolley". Thankfully his tantrum did tire him out a little so we could get him to bed early and I could sneak away to go home without incurring a second fit of rage. Again, love him to bits, and I did find the entire tantrum hysterical but, had he been my child, I probably wouldn't have seen the funny side.

 

Wednesday

Late! Late! Late! I made a point of sneaking home so I would be well-rested and ready to get up early (again) for a meeting my work-coach set up but it - just - didn't - happen! I missed my bus and get to get a different one, the first would have taken me straight to the meeting, the second required a change of bus down the line. I made it halfway on my journey and panicked, called ahead to warn them I would be late, only to be told that the meeting started at 10.00 - that's 10.00 and no later. So I apologised and went back home. ARGH! I was so frustrated; I shouldn't have missed the first bus, I should have left early enough to have a back-up plan - my brain was just not with it. The whole mess was 50% my fault, 50% bad luck and it 100% put me in a foul mood. I spent the rest of the day watching the Cheap Lazy Vegan on YouTube and using her recipes to make an enormous pile of food that I hoped would make me so full I would pass out. It kind of worked, I was very full and I was in bed by 6.30pm! That's ridiculously early to go to bed for me but the next day brought my work-trial with Westbrooke and I was adamant it would go better than this day's failure. 

 

Thursday

Late Again! Not only late, but an hour late after getting on the wrong bus and travelling to who-knows-where before getting scared enough to de-bus, go back where I started and pay more attention! Once again the brain was vacant! I knew how to get there, I had already been there for an interview - why did I have to try and make the journey 'easier' by getting on a bus I had never been on before to a place I barely know? Am I stupid? I actually considered going home and forgetting about the whole thing, once upon a time I would have, (when anxiety had control) the embarrassment of showing up an hour late would have been unthinkable. But I did it, I got there, I apologised, then I tried to prove I was worth hiring. It might have been convincing if I wasn't functioning with sloth-like speed. I think I did ok, I got the work done and I knew what I was doing - I really enjoyed it - I just know I could have been better if I could have engaged my brain! I hate my brain and I hate being tired!

 

Friday

After another very early night, I gave up on sleep at 5.00am and was having a bath by 6.00am - what!? I had to go outside again - fifth day in a row! It was my fortnightly trip to the old job-centre to sign for the pennies I need to live (that's not a dig, I am genuinely grateful to have JSA to keep me going). Then I came home and practically melted into a puddle of relief, I put on my PJ's and settled in front of the TV for a weekend of staying indoors (where I belong). I spent my Friday night drinking tea and sketching a rough outline of each 'panel' for the first issue of Folk-Lore, which really eased my tension.

 

Saturday

I slept! I slept! It took me two weeks but I finally slept *weeps with joy* and I felt so happy that I didn't have to put on any make up on or rush off to anywhere. I started season 2 of Maken-Ki (Maken-Ki:Two I believe it is called) and started scanning character designs to edit, which is still new to me and I don't have a graphics tablet yet so I had to use the mouse; after a few hours I had 'claw-hand'. That led me to the main activity of the day and the first mention of... The Giant Egg *groan* that I still have not finished with less than a week to go!! I'm fairly certain that my life will be completely dominated by the paper-mache-monster every day next week, so please don't expect an exciting post next Saturday. I may just post a giant photograph of the finished product with the title: NEVER AGAIN!

 

Yeah so, it's been a busy week with very little sleep, a lot of cock-ups, crying nephews (and aunts) plus a lot of progress vis-à-vis Folk-Lore. I considered showing some of my artwork but as I am still in the development stage (I keep changing things!) I didn't want to commit to anything just yet. Hope you all had a less stressful week, or that my week makes you feel better about it, and I sincerely hope that your upcoming week contains no glue, paint or eggs of any kind - NAHB x

 

"If you are going through Hell, keep going - Winston Churchill"