Story Development and Weaponised Saliva



It's been a big, bad week on the depression-scale( I'd give it an 8), these weeks happen, they're a pain but it's a fact of life - for me anyway.

Sunday

Total YouTube-Day! I couldn't even guess how many DIY videos I watched for homemade cosmetics, skincare and tips/tricks for natural ways to deal with my infuriating face. I hate my skin *sad face* - it just gets worse as I get older. I developed acne when I was 24, same age I started going grey, then I started to notice dry patches of skin on my usually oily face; my skin literally drinks make-up, which is why I don't tend to wear a lot of it. The most interesting tip I learnt was using Calamine Lotion to treat acne, I use it in place of toner because toner burns! No idea if it works yet but we'll see.

I love a good, lazy Sunday, just relaxing, pampering and mentally preparing for the week ahead. Unfortunately my relaxing day was followed by a night of terrifying dreams where I was forced to watch people being eaten and then I was murdered - What!? (I don't like my brain sometimes.)

 

Monday

Such an irritating day - I must have received at least 6 text messages/phone calls from people asking me about my 'recent car accident'! I don't even drive and I think I would remember being in an accident; where do these people get my phone number? And why do they always sound pissed off when I tell them I have no idea what they're talking about? I never asked them to phone me! I was already tired and grumpy - all those calls did was exacerbate my bad mood.

 

Tuesday

I still hadn't caught up on my sleep and was pretty shattered, cue massive migraine, however, I got a lot of research done in regards to story/character development thanks to www.tvtrope.org who even had anime examples in their descriptions! It really helped me develop a clearer outline as well as spur my imagination to create better back-stories for my characters. I had some visitors (which never happens); my sister and nephew stopped by for a while and we ended up blowing up balloons and letting them go so they flew around the room. Sounds really stupid I know but Jesse thought it was hilarious and kept bringing the balloons back to be re-inflated, then they got all gross and 'spitty' and I had to shield myself while I got pelted with them! Thanks Lois.

 

Wednesday

Food-Day! I'm ridiculously frugal when it comes to buying food and I make sure that what I buy will last until I go shopping again, which means I get super excited for going food shopping because I have nothing to eat by then. When I got home I stuffed my face with homemade pizza, spaghetti and bananas with chocolate peanut butter - never had it before and oh my! I've just been eating it straight from the jar it's that good, plus it's certified vegan. As for 'work', I completed a full plan for the first issue of my comic/novel (not sure what to call it) which, after talking about it for so long, I am hoping to have posted the beginning of May; fingers-crossed. I can confirm that it will be called Folk-Lore, the first arc will be titles The Two World's Arc and the first issue is (probably) going to be 'Hello Uncle'.



Thursday

I got a £200 gas bill - what? Clearly someone has cocked that one up - I never have my heating on, I sit wrapped up in a duvet like an old lady so I'm never cold enough, or I'm already warm enough (does that make sense?). So I'm waiting for an explanation from British Gas about that, and an apology for the mild stroke they gave me.

 

Friday

Another job interview: I did not want to go to this! I was feeling pretty bad, still exhausted, completely unable to concentrate on anything or engage my brain in any way and I had to try and impress a panel of interviewers before taking a skills test *cries like Snoopy*. I don't think it went well but thankfully, and to my great relief, I got a call about last week's interview and have been asked to work a trial-day for a Property Administrator Apprenticeship. I know writer, illustrator and administration isn't a common mix of interests but my interests are 'creatively exhausting' and I find that organising information relaxes my mind. Not that writing/drawing stresses me in the normal sense; if any of you have experience with anxiety you'll know that often, when you get really into something and get really enthusiastic/excited about it, you can find it too stimulating. Personally, I find that if I get to that point and keep pushing past it, my hands and arms will start to tense and my brain will kind of buzz, which is usually a sign that it is way past midnight and I should go to bed. I need structure to stay sane I suppose. Coincidentally, Friday night was one of these times as I stayed up to work more on that thing that haunts my waking moments a.k.a. the giant egg. I must say I'm quite amazed at how it's progressing - it actually looks egg-shaped! I have 11 days to finish it - gulp. I'll post a picture once it's finished and possibly a video of my nephew smashing it open (while I cry).

Peter - original NAHB

 

Saturday

It's today! I really wanted to sleep in today, I stayed up until almost 2am and yet, when I rolled over to check the time this morning it was 7.16am! Why? Just why? I couldn't believe it, I would have been less annoyed it had said 7.16pm, that's how badly I wanted to catch up on my z's.  Today has been a total anime-binge-fest; I have watched back-to-back episodes of Bleach (Season 13 in it's entirety) and discovered a new show called Maken-Ki: Battle of Venus. I'm 10 episodes into Maken-Ki and am really enjoying the story, even if it's a little pervy and someone's flashing their boobies and/or their 'panties' every 5 minutes. I'm currently listening to Kerrang! and trying to decide which design program and graphics tablet to invest in - nothing too expensive of course; I'm still poor.

 

So, it's been a busy week, I just wish I could have enjoyed it a bit more. All I can do is hope next week will be better, there's going to be a trip to the vet (for Peter), a work trial and a mad rush to finish the egg before Jesse's birthday

 

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything - Bible



Crying Like A Little Girl

This week has been another rough one but I've been trying to channel my negative energy and swap my bad habits for healthier ones. All of a sudden I'm doubting everything, including the sertraline, which worked brilliantly for the first month and then it all went downhill. I'm back to 100% vegan and it's going much more successfully than the first attempt; I reasoned that, seeing as I was barely eating anyway, that cutting out dairy and eggs wouldn't be difficult.

I've been challenging myself lately, forcing myself to be more adventurous and say 'yes' more. Whenever I have one of those days where I just want to curl up and hide indoors all day I make myself move; I get up, put on my face and go outside. Allowing myself to wallow is not an option. It hasn't been easy but I have had a few good times as a result of my forced enthusiasm, most of them exhaust me. (It's a small improvement.)

I've been trying to shake things up recently, going vegan, changing up my exercise, colouring my hair and re-decorating, in an attempt to liven myself up and get happy again. My biggest problem is the return of my anger and agitation - it occurs at random and the only way I have to deal with it is exercise. I jump on the bike and cycle until I am too tired to feel wound up. It's an unbearable pressure and the exercise is only a temporary fix. Even sleep has turned on me - when I am managing to sleep I am having horrific nightmares! We are talking blood, dead frogs and being run over by trucks - not relaxing at all.

Today I tried to relax in a bath of Epsom salts and lavender oil and it was great, until I got out and curled up on the bathroom floor to sob for no apparent reason. Suddenly, everything was too much, everything I was trying to do became a hopeless waste of time that would eventually become more stress I wouldn't be able to handle. I am actually considering cancelling my university application - the degree I was so excited about getting is now terrifying me; will it be beneficial? Will I eventually quit anyway? Will I be able to work and study? How did something that made me so happy become such a stressful endeavour?

I wish I had something more positive to say, I really, really wish I did. I want to be able to tell the world that it gets better, that all mental and emotional difficulties can be overcome and everyday is a little bit easier but it's a rocky road with no clear destination in sight. Will I get a degree? Will I be a fully functional human being someday? Will I be able to eat and sleep like a normal person?

Only time will tell...

Not-A-Happy-Bunny x