Frustrations

I have to get this out - this week has been A-W-F-U-L!

I'm tired, not sleeping, feeling unmotivated, my head hurts, my body aches and I can't seem to shake off a cold I've been suffering with for the past fortnight. The only thing that has kept me going recently is planning the big move - I'm 25 and living at home! I moved out when I was eighteen and moved back when I was 21, depressed and spiralling  downwards. I've been saving all my spare pounds and pennies to try and amass just enough to get my freedom back and move my life forward and planning how to spend that money has been my only source of excitement lately. Until this week happened, I was doing really well; the end was in sight!

In one day I experienced two enormous nightmare situations that bit a huge chunk out of my savings, completely out of the blue. Dentist bill + Bank Charges = Hell! I almost cracked. I wanted to scream, cry, drink, smoke, throw things, rip out my hair, punch the walls and lose all control in reaction to this unexpected, and horrifying, setback. I stomped around the house for almost an hour, holding back tears and thinking about vodka and cigarettes, trying to convince myself that losing it just once wouldn't be the worst thing. Everyone breaks down sometimes - right? I came so close to ruining all my hard work and making everything worse.  All these emotions were building up in my head until I thought I might explode if I didn't find a way to release my frustration.

Do you want to know what broke it all? The thing that made me laugh and snapped me out of my murderous rage? I watched an old episode of 8 Simple Rules on YouTube - and I laughed, and that small emotional expression relieved so much tension I smiled even wider at my own silliness. I put all my energy into cleaning and then arranging my finances to accommodate my new debts, after which a sense of calm settled over me.

I suppose the message here is not to let small setbacks create even bigger ones. I could have let myself fall back into old habits, I could have gotten drunk and cried hysterically about how unfair life is - but I didn't. I stewed for an hour and my mind found a new way to feel better before solving the problem. Simple.

Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting - Joyce Meyer